i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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