i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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