it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
