Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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