Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
