Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize