I wish my penis had an off switch
he thought i was a dude.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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