Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
