I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
