Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
