sarcasm needs its own font
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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