Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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