oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
