come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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