So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
