he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
