Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
