I wish i was in the wii world.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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