Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
