the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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