Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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