Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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