At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
