Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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