Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
