i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
