She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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