i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize