Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
