Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im holly from the hills drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
