Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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