I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
