I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
