She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize