mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
