Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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