i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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