3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
