Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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