how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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