your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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