We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
