How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
