remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize