I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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