do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
