New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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