In the future we'll all be gay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
