i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
