How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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