I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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