Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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