I accidentally had phone sex last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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