No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe he injected his testicle?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
