Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
