so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
