my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
