sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
