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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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