very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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